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Amber's Journal

Friday, October 15, 2004


Im getting a new journal guys...IM me if youd like to know what it is and I will add you...

7 comments |  sing your heart out

9:59PM - art...

Some would say that when they look at this, they just see paint splattered on a piece of canvas. That it means nothing. But others look past that. They see the meaning. Each stroke, where the colors meet with each other. Its not meant to be confusing, or even deep. Its meant to make you feel. You can have your own meaning for it. Its like a song. Each stroke is a note. Strokes together are like chords. All of them together make music. This is like a painters piece of sheet music. It may not look anything special to you...but this is something that can not be replicated. To me, this is just another feeling.

Current mood: drained

sing your heart out

12:27PM - blah...

Well...sorry about that outburst in my last entry...some people are just really...immature. The sad thing is...I dont know who they are. Oh well...

Lets see...today Im gonna go to Wal-mart...do some stuff there...then go pick out some more things for my apartment! I LOVE THIS!!! And I made a new friend. Her name is Kim...she lives in the same apartment complex as I do. Shes cool.

Well yall...Im gonna go...mama is here to get me...

Love always,

Current mood: aggravated

sing your heart out

11:17AM - gerrr.....

People are idiots...need to grow up...I mean...what is it...do you have a problem with yourself or something...or do you just like to make everyones life a living Hell...or is it just mine!?!? What is your freakin deal. Come on...either grow up and handle it like a real person or get over it. This is getting old. You need some serious help. And dont even get started on me. My life is perfect right now...you wanna get things started...tell me who you are, and we will get things started...quit being scared, or whatever you are being...and grow the hell up...

Current mood: pissed off

1 comment |  sing your heart out

Thursday, October 14, 2004


Hello everyone...whats up??? Not much here. Today has been GREAT!!! I am so happy! I finally bought a bunch of things for my bedroom, and for my guest bedroom. Makes me happy. Im going to have a going away thing on October 29th...so if anyone wants to go...then leave a comment and let me know...lol I pretty much have everything I need except for the following...
-chairs (2)
-coffee table
-kitchen table/chairs
Im just missing that stuff pretty much. This is very...draining...but its fun...lol

Tonight I am going to go to the mall probably with Chance and Mallory. Im going to look at a few things!!! I love tha mall now. lol

Well yall...Im gonna get going...got lots of stuff to do! Lata...

Love always,

Current mood: busy...

2 comments |  sing your heart out

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

11:02AM - sing to me beauty...let your voice lead the way...

Hey yall...whats up...not too much going on here. My interview on Monday went GREAT! Couldn't have gone any better! lol Right now I've been shopping...looking at furnature...getting little things here and there...all kinds of things...just trying to get ready to move. It's hectic...but Im excited! I've heard people saying things, and I have heard that some of my friends have heard things, and I know that a lot of people probably think things too about me moving. Well...my real friends know what is going on. And if anyone wants to start saying things...then go ahead...Im sure in time that people will realize whats really going on.

On a lighter note...I did Nichole's hair...it looks really good!!! lol

Ummmm...oh yeah...sorry about all the art guys. Im going through this art thing. I love it...lol Its kind of like my new form of music. I am just a really artistic person...I love the Arts...

I am going to go to college. I will go to Rhema...for two years. First year is basic study, second year I will go into Worship Leading, and I haven't decided if I want to go a third year to further it. But...I will basically be able to teach music. I am so happy! lol and please...everyone pray for my mother. There are some things going on and we are really hoping and praying that things go through. So please...just pray...lol

Well yall...Im gonna get going...yall have a delicous day!

Love always,

Current mood: determined

sing your heart out

10:46AM - abstract art by random artists...

Current mood: artistic/inspired

2 comments |  sing your heart out

10:43AM - origional oil paintings by Loan Popei

Current mood: artistic/inspired

sing your heart out

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

1:30PM - Mona Lisa smile...

Current mood: disappointed

sing your heart out

Sunday, October 10, 2004

6:06PM - The Art

this is all
so beautiful

but how much of this will really be
enough to keep me on my feet
so this is how it feels
when it's all for real
but how much can be invisible
enough for me to just believe

cuz I'm chasing the wind
and ending up right where I began

I know that there's an art to starting over again
and I know that God will never waste the pain
you can only try so hard to right a wrong
this song will only last so long
but life is just the art of living on

I may never know
why I should just let go
but do I really want a God that I can understand
still we close our eyes
try to reason why
but since when does my desire dominate the plan
cuz I'm chasing the wind
and ending up right where I began

I know that there's and art to starting over again
and I know that God will never waste the pain
you can only try so hard to right a wrong
this song will only last so long
but life is just the art of living on
when life is in slow motion
and when the silence is deafening
hold on tight, you're gonna cry
there's always a reason why

I know that there's an art to starting over again
and I know that God will never waste my pain
you can only try so hard to right a wrong
this song will only last so long
but life is just the art of living on...

Current mood: blah

sing your heart out

11:19AM - Life is just the art of living on...when life is in slow motion...

Hey yall whats up??? Not a lot here. Last night was pretty fun!!! I had a lot of fun. I am so awesome! lol

Anywho...Friday night was LOADS of fun too...you have no idea! lol Went and saw The Village...I kinda liked it. It wasnt really scary...but I kinda liked it for what it was. Then I came home and talked to Dan til like...3:00 or somethin and then I went to bed. Yesterday was just a really boring day. I was so tired, I jus tstayed in bed and watched tv most of the day. Then Dave called to see if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with him...but I didnt...I ended up going to the mall. Somethin felt weird about the whole movie thing...alone with someone who likes me, other than my bf. But I still had fun. I talked to Dan like twice yesterday...he got off work and fell asleep...pretty much the whole day...lol He was tired.

Lets see...today I will probably do the same thing I did yesterday. Im really tired! lol Tomorrow I have a job interview at Body Central (new store in the mall) I really REALLY hope I get that job. I would LOVE to work there! lol Pray for me...just that God will bring me something. lol

Well yall...Im outtie...gonna go watch some tv...lol Have a delicious day...God bless...

Love always,

Current mood: blah

sing your heart out

Thursday, October 7, 2004


Well...today was actually lots of fun. Went and got my check...got it all figured out. Im gonna get the rest of my money tomorrow! Then I went and cashed my check, and then took my sister out for her birthday. Im gonna take her to get her nose pierced tomorrow!!! YAY!

I got the new Rachael Lampa cd...OH MY GOSH ITS SO AWESOME!!! Looks like I've found 5 new songs to sing...so I can now retire Blessed...lol Ron would be so proud! lol

Well yall...Im gonna go...need to get some stuff done before Dan calls!

Love always,

Current mood: ecstatic

sing your heart out

11:29AM - oh yay...another survey...

Have you ever

been drunk: yes
kissed a member of the opposite sex: yes
kissed a member of the same sex: yes...
crashed a friend's car: hehehe...no
been to Japan: no
ridden in a taxi: no
been in love: yes
been dumped: yes
shoplifted: yes
been fired: kind of...well...no
been in a fist fight: yes
snuck out of my parent's house: yeah
ever had a crush on someone of the same sex: not really...ewie
ever dated someone of the same sex: no
had feelings for someone who didnt have them back: ...SURE HAVE!!!
been arrested: no
made out with a stranger: ummm...no
stole something from my job: no
celebrated new years in time square: no
gone on a blind date: no
lied to a friend: yes...youd be lying if you hadnt...so suck it up and move on
had a crush on a teacher: lol yes
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans: no
been to Europe: no, I want to though
skipped school: no...
slept with a co-worker: no
cut myself on purpose: yes
been married: almost lol
gotten divorced: no
had children: Dear Lord...no...lol
seen someone die: yes...and it sucks...it sucks really bad
been to Africa: no
had a crush on one of my Live journal friends: yeah...
Slapped someone I loved: haha...yeah...two words...suicidal tendancies...lol
Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball: no
Been to Canada: no
Been to Mexico: no
Been on a plane: yes but not a big big plane...it was a little 2 person plane
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show: yes...and I am scarred for life...
Thrown up in a bar: no
Purposely set a part of myself on fire: no...fire hurts
Eaten Sushi: yes, and it is gross...dont know how people can eat that crap
Been snowboarding: no...almost went once
Met someone in person from the internet: lol yeah...like 3 people...lol
Been moshing at a concerts: nah
had real feelings for someone you knew only online: does that count now? Cause Ive met him...lol
taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself : I didnt take them...and there is only one...bad part of my life...I was dumb
been in an abusive relationship : yes...abusive, and mentally abusive
been pregnant or got someone pregnant: no...thank God
lost a child: read the question above...
gone to college: I might next year
graduated college: no
tried killing yourself: yeah...quite a few times
taken painkillers: yeah
intentionally burned urself: no
love someone or miss someone right now: yes...I miss Dan very very much...

Current mood: tired

3 comments |  sing your heart out

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

8:26PM - you are my only one...

Is there any word that could express how happy I am right now. I sat here thinking...and I was like...ya know...not very many people are going to miss me. There are people I know right now who are so called "friends" and they dont have anything to do with me. Well ya know what...I am leaving in two months, and I am done putting out the effort. If you are my "friend" and you really want to hang out with me...then let me know, because once Im gone...Im gone...and I wont be back for a long long time.

At first I thought...wow...Im leaving...this is so sad. But then I thought...ya know...I will be in a new place, with new people. I will be with someone that I love and trust. I will have a job, and make new friends, and for some reason, I now really feel at peace. I was almost scared. I always told myself...dont worry it'll be ok. But now...I actually believe it! I can't wait. And dont get me wrong...there are a lot of people here that I will miss...but I will have another life ahead of me. YAY!!! lol

Well...now that I got through all that...Im gonna go get some more stuff done! Later yall!!!

Love always,


broken this fragile thing now
and I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
and I've thrown my words all around
but I can't,
I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
and I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only,
my only one

made my mistakes, let you down
and I can't, I can't hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and I can't,
I can't get up when you're gone

and something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
I let go
, there's just no one who gets me like you do
you are my only my only one

here I go so dishonestly
leave a note for you my only one
and I know you can see right through me
so let me go and you will find someone

here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
I let go
, there's just no one, no one like you
you are my only
, my only one
my only one
my only one
my only one
you are my only
, my only one

Current mood: loved

2 comments |  sing your heart out

5:01PM - I am just SO FREAKING BORED!!!

Hey yall whats up? Not a lot here...I am so bored!!! lol Well...lets see. It looks like I have an interview at Body Central in the mall at 4:00 on Monday!!! YAY GO ME!!! lol Everyone pray that I get this job...I really need it.

Well...my lil sis's birthday is today!!! She is 16 years old now! lol We even made a cake for her! lol

Fall break starts on Friday for everyone! That should be interesting...

Well yall...I can't think of anything else to say...so Im gonna go...later yall...

Love always,

Current mood: bored

sing your heart out

Tuesday, October 5, 2004


Current mood: loved

1 comment |  sing your heart out

12:03PM - haha...wow...that does kinda sound like me! lol

You are the color red. You are the most
controversial of all the colors. You are often
easily angered, but as easily as you got
excited, you come down. When angered, do you
have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards,
do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe.
But you're incredibly generous, and, odd
enough, needy. You love to hate, and
sometimes, you hate to love. This color
describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad
situation, you're pessimistic, and when you're
in a good situation, you're extremely
optimistic. You're painfully tempermental, and
sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with
an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy
talking to people and being social. But aside
from your bold and outgoing attitude, you're
attention-needing and attention-getting. This
color is associated with lust and desire--and
you are both lust and desirous. You're a
protective person when it comes to the people
you love. You're incredibly sharp-witted and
powerful (not to mention intelligent!).

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current mood: amused

1 comment |  sing your heart out

12:02PM - I feel pretty...oh so pretty...

Hey yall whats up??? Not a lot here. Today I get to go get my pictures taken at Deming Park!!! Im WAY excited! I just hope they turn out good! Then I will probably come home, get something to eat, and then go cut Nichole's dad's hair!

Ya know...I really miss Dan...a lot! He makes me so happy. Like genuinely happy. I am going to spend the rest of my life with him...and I am so happy about that. He is just...wow...no words to explain it.

Anywho...Im kinda hungry...so Im gonna go find some food! Yall have a delicious day! Im gonna try to put my pics up on here later too! Bye yall!!!

Love always,

Current mood: cheerful

sing your heart out

Thursday, September 30, 2004

10:02PM - WOO HOO!!!!

Well...Im WAY EXCITED!!! I get to see Dan tomorrow!!! He's gonna fly in!!! I was so super happy! So...sorry guys...but if you need to get ahold of me...I wont be home at all tomorrow. We are leaving for the airport in Indy at 10:00 and then staying all day and hanging out. His flight comes in at 7:25 tomorrow night...so I should be home by 9:00...sorry Mallory...but this kinda just came up. But we will hang out tomorrow night dont worry...we're all going to midnight movie!!!

Well yall...please pray for me...I am really really burnt...badly. I can barely move. Im not tanning for a week or so...and when I do it wont be for as long.

Well...Im outtie...yall have a good night!

Love always,

Current mood: ecstatic

1 comment |  sing your heart out

9:44AM - Oxygen, you may have noticed, plays a fairly important part in this whole "living" thing...

Ok...well...lets see...yesterday was really lots of fun! Made me happy! I went and got my check...but they messed up on it. So I got shorted like 30 dollars. They said they would fix it though. Then I went to the mall...was gonna go with Nichole but stuff got too busy and we are gonna hang out this weekend. I ended up taking Mallory's pants back to her, and she ended up coming with me. Went and ate, and then I took her home on my way to go tanning. Came home and then left again to go to karaoke at bw3's with Josh, Sherri, Wayne, Kevin, Deb, Hershal, and a bunch of other people that I can't remember who they are. It was fun though. Tried to go to sleep...but I couldn't sleep well cause I burnt myself tanning...it sucked!

Im gonna quit my job today...there is a reason why...lol I love the job...I really do...but they only had me working 2 days a week, and I really need more money than that. So I talked to them about it and told them that I needed more hours, and they said ok. So what did they do...they moved me to 3 days a week. Not cool. But theres this other place that said if they hire me, then I can work full time! So Im gonna try that. It kind sucks...cause I really kinda like restaurant work.

Well...Im gonna go take a shower and try to get ready for some stuff...need to go down south and do some things too...have a delicious day!!!

Love always,

Just to let everyone know...anonymous comments on my journal are no longer accepted. Well...they are...but I will see them first. So leave one if you want...but it will be emailed to me and I will have to approve of it before it gets put on my comments. I didn't want to fully block them because I know that there are some nice/good people who dont have journals but leave comments. So if they aren't bad, then I will approve.

Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do.

Current mood: optimistic

sing your heart out

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